Okay so I'm a married mother of two human kids and two fur babies. I've been married for almost 15 years and my marriage like most has had it's ups and downs. My husband is a wonderful man, a man like no other, he has stood by my side through thick and thin. He is my hero. I have a 5 month old Akita named Dakota, a 19 month old American Bulldog named Dante, a 12 year old name Joseph and a 16 year old named Marissa. Being a mom has always been a dream of mine and I'm so blessed that is has been a goal I was able to attain. I wasn't always so sure that I would be able to be a mom, I was diagnosed with endometriosis at an early age and I had a few miscarriages, but was finally able to have two healthy kids before I had a complete hysterectomy at the age of 28 years old. From the outside my life seems like it's fool proof that everything's okay but from where I sit, on the inside, this couldn't be further from the truth. I am a recovering drug addict and have been clean for 17 years, not an easy feat if any of you have ever struggled with addiction. I have PTSD, anxiety, depression and back/neck pain from a car accident. I'm going to see if thru my blogging, I can begin to perhaps heal myself from some of my emotional stress. So with that being said, Welcome to my world and I hope you'll keep reading. I welcome comments, feedback, advice, etc. So here goes nothing.....
Day 1 ~
Today I have accomplished what appears to everyone as a everyday normal goal. I showered and brushed my hair. I haven't if I'm being honest haven't showered in almost two weeks, no motivation and got to the point where I couldn't stand my own stink. It was gross, completely gross, but I ended that today. It took me nearly an hour to brush all the knots from my hair with a comb and detangler. Again it was gross, must remind myself to wash my hair again to ensure it's clean. I changed my pajamas. It feels good to be clean and refreshed. My depression is really at it's peak at this time of the year and although I take Paxil, it doesn't seem to be working quite as well as it use to. But due to my fear of change, I will muttle through and hope that this new found hobby of blogging will help. I ate today, once so far which again is a huge accomplishment. All in all today is a better day than yesterday. And just so we are clear and I mean crystal clear.... I am a clean person, my house is clean, I'm not a hoarder, my dogs don't use the bathroom inside, my kids have rules, my floors get washed....so far my depression only affects my ability to take care of me. We all have our skeletons, and here is mine.
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